how to navigate wedding planning, faith, and mental health as an engaged woman.

Do you often daydream about your future wedding? Are you dating and beginning to consider marriage? Are you engaged, knee deep in wedding planning? Are you hours away from the big day? If so, this post is for you.

On May 13, 2022, I married my husband Nick in Nashville, Tennessee. It was a beautiful day filled with love, family, and friendship. But if I’m honest, the months—and even the hours—leading up to my wedding were filled with intense fear, anxiety, and depression (feelings that were far from what I had expected).

This post is a mix of advice based on my experience and an honest letter to my past self. My hope is that the lessons I learned can help you navigate your engagement season and wedding day with a little more clarity and peace.

What do you imagine when you think of weddings?

For me, it was gorgeous photos with golden hour lighting, a group of bridesmaids joyfully celebrating with the bride, the perfect color palette, feeling showered with the love of family and friends, and a fairytale wedding day where nothing went wrong.

Looking back, I see how fixated I was on the details. Nowhere on my list was the most important part: joining together with the man I love in a sacred covenant before God and our loved ones. I had not considered the joy I would feel when Nick and I vowed to cherish, honor, and serve one another for the rest of our lives. In fact, the actual “getting married” part was the furthest thing from my mind.

Here’s what my engagement season and wedding day taught me:

1. Don’t let social media set your expectations.

Wedding, engagement, and bridal shower photos simply don’t tell the whole story. They only show (or stage) the highlights. While these events are filled with immense joy, there are certainly difficult moments that you don’t see in the pictures. If social media prompts comparison in your mind, consider taking a break from it entirely.

2. Don’t let the small details cause you stress.

Remember that your wedding day is about joining together in a sacred covenant before God in the presence of friends and family. Besides that, nothing else truly matters. Don’t let picking your bridal party, deciding on accent colors, and settling on the flavor of your wedding cake steal your joy and cause you stress.

3. Your wedding doesn’t need to look like everyone else’s.

There are so many “have to’s” associated with weddings. Nevertheless, your ceremony and reception can look any way you want it to! Nick and I decided to have a “first song” (we played a love song on piano and guitar together) instead of the traditional first dance, and it was our favorite part of the reception.

4. Weddings aren’t about looks or beauty.

There is so much pressure to look a certain way on your wedding day—to have beautiful hair, glowing skin, and the perfect dress. Leading up to the wedding, I received comments like: “Why aren’t you getting a spray tan? Are you going to whiten your teeth? You should probably wear fake eyelashes—they’ll look much better for the cameras. Are you sure you want to go with a natural look with your makeup?” Regardless of the beauty norms, wear whatever makes you feel comfortable on your day! It’s also incredibly important to look past the photos and set your mind on the real reason for your wedding day—entering into the marriage covenant.

5. There’s no emotion that you’re “supposed” to feel leading up to your wedding day.

When I dreamed about my wedding week, I pictured myself on cloud 9, relaxing and getting long nights of beauty sleep. In reality, I was an emotional mess leading up to my wedding. While I felt gratitude and excitement to marry the man of my dreams, the positive feelings were overshadowed by intense worry and fear. I was afraid that the day wouldn’t go perfectly, dealing with unexpected and hurtful friendship conflicts, and feeling overwhelmed by the never-ending list of preparations. I didn’t sleep a minute the night before the wedding, and on my wedding morning, I felt extremely ill due to anxiety. Each bride experiences different joys and stressors leading up to their big day, which brings me to my next point.

6. The engagement season will carry both joy and grief.

Marriage brings about many life changes that take physical, spiritual, and emotional preparation. There is immense gain in marriage, but there’s also loss. You are gaining a husband and losing your singleness. You are gaining a new last name and losing your old one. You and your husband are no longer individuals but one flesh (Matthew 19:4-6). Marriage is a weighty thing in God’s eyes. It’s an enormous responsibility that involves selflessness, sacrifice, and endurance. Your life is no longer your own as you pledge to serve, honor, and love your spouse as long as you live. That responsibility can carry some feelings of fear and uncertainty for many brides. However, what you lose by choosing marriage is small compared to the privilege it is to join with your spouse in a beautiful and sacred covenant!

7. Rely on God through the highs and lows.

Your engagement season will have beautiful moments and immensely challenging moments, and you’ll need to rely on God through it all. He is your comforter and your peace. Draw near to Him consistently. People may disappoint you, worries may ensue, and stress may feel heavy, but God will never leave you or forsake you. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 says, “Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.” Rejoicing, praying, and giving thanks sets our sights on the One who is worthy of our praise and takes our mind away from the minor details. Consistently thank God for the opportunity to prepare for marriage with your fiancé. Thank Him for the opportunity to celebrate with family, friends, and loved ones. Allow praise to be your weapon against any worries you might feel about your wedding day.

8. It’s okay if your wedding isn’t perfect.

During your engagement season, you may hear, “Your wedding day only happens once, so make it count! You’ll never have a day like this again.” This causes an incredible amount of pressure to make the day flawless. The reality is: you can’t control the sunshine or the rain or the wind. You cannot control your wedding guests’ opinions of your wedding. You cannot control whether or not the women in your bridal party get along. You cannot control the little things that don’t go according to plan. Instead of holding on to the elements of the day that are out of your control, pray that God would help you entrust your wedding day to Him. The prayers I prayed during my engagement season were usually centered around asking God to make things go the way I wanted on my wedding day. Instead of praying that things would go my way, I wish I had prayed for joy and peace even if things didn’t. My wedding day wasn’t perfect, and that’s okay. Your wedding day doesn’t need to be flawless to be beautiful.

Pray with me:

God, thank you that in this season of change, you are constant and faithful. Thank you that you never leave me or forsake me. Thank you that you are with me in the highs and lows. No matter how overwhelmed or anxious I may feel, you walk with me through it all. I pray that your peace would protect my mind as I prepare for marriage and plan my wedding.

Thank you for blessing me with a partner to do life with for the rest of my days. I pray that we would be quick to forgive, slow to anger, and that we would fight for unity always.

Help me to let go of any fear, unrealistic expectations, pressure, or comparison. I ask for your will to be done in my marriage and on my wedding day. Thank you that you are a good Father and that I can trust you with the small moments, big decisions, uncertainties, and everything in between. I choose let go of control today, and I ask you to fill my heart with joy and peace. In Jesus’ name I pray, Amen.